America is a deeply divided nation. I know this, because I wanted to write a blog entry about how deeply divided America is as a nation, so I Googled "America deeply divided," and found the following:
That's a relief, as you might imagine. I'm comforted to know I'm right, mostly because I very much want people who disagree with me to be wrong. And even if, by some weird twist of fate, I'm the one who happens to be wrong, I'm just going to go on believing that I'm right, because my version of the world is the kind of world I want. I can't really say for sure what kind of world the people who disagree with me might want--not like I'm going to ask them, or anything--but I know enough to know it's not my version, which means it has to be wrong. After all, the internet just proved I'm right, right?
The people who disagree with me will probably want to fight me on this. Misguided as they are, they no doubt prefer their version of the world to mine. But I fear their version (mostly because it isn't my version; it's not like I've asked them what their version might be), so I have no choice but to do everything in my power to stand in opposition to them; keeping silent would be letting them win, and what kind of world will this be if they win?
What's that you say? You want me to define my version of the world? Wow: I mean, that's a big ask. It's not that I'm unwilling, and it's certainly not that I don't have a clear idea as to what my version of the world might be. It's just that my version is so incredibly detailed and nuanced, and trying to explain it is both difficult and time-consuming, so let me just sum up by saying that my version of the world is not their version, and my version is good. The internet already proved I'm right, so I'm just going to have to ask you to trust me on this. You don't really have to understand either side, as long as we can agree that my side is the side you want to be on.
Now that you're on my side (and thank you, by the way: it's how I know you're a good person), there are a few simple rules:
Sure, there are drawbacks to being on our side. You'll eventually have disdain for at least half of the population, and probably closer to three-quarters. You'll begin to grow angry and/or bitter with less and less provocation. Chances are, you'll develop a sort of lifelong, low-grade paranoia, until you will only be comfortable with a very small group of people who have absolutely proven they are on our side. Still: isn't that a whole lot better than being on their side? I think so, and the internet has proven I'm right. Right?